There is a lot I have to be grateful to God for this month, just all the ways He has spoken to me through messages, ministry, and recent events. I think my relationship with God has taken on a new, different dimension after the prayer retreats and conferences at the end of last month. God seems even more real and the way I can pray and relate to him now seems more “relational and personal.” In general I was able to identify as spiritual thirst this annoying sensation that I had always had before, of insecurity or restlessness. Before, I didn't really understand or know what to do about this feeling, so I looked for distraction or escape – or reassurance in the image of togetherness or competence I held about myself. This past month, I've actually been experiencing that urge to go and seek some solitude to pray regularly, and when I have a couple of days where I just go through the motions of DT and prayer, I can feel that spiritual dryness more quickly that creeps in. I have been fortunate to find that the Psalms speak to me much more – Psalm 42, “does my soul thirst for God, for the living God, when shall I go to meet God?” (I also recently realized how virtually all of the Christian song lyrics are taken directly from the Psalms, only this chapter alone contains "as the hart panteth for streams of water; why art thou so cast down, O my soul; the deep calls to deep"). I am encouraged because the fact that I can personally relate to the Psalms seems to be a sign that my relationship with God is deepening into completely new areas for me. The DT through 2 Corinthians and Ajith Fernando's message really convinced me of my Psalms avoidance of pain and discomfort in relationships. Looking back on my ministry, I recognize once again how I... middle of paper... have to be a good steward of all the training and experiences I have had over the past six years, and be willing to surrender myself with the attitude of willingly spending myself for the ministry of God and not holding back. Daniel also brought to my attention the fact that during that trip I was quite distracted in ignoring the needs of the people around me and how that ends up being a community killer. Guys, I need to be much more aware of things like this, especially in light of that point Ajith Fernando made about how the only way to foster a spirit of commitment and unity in the church is for leaders to die to self and to commit myself to fund – the same thing goes for money and other things that will determine whether I will be a community killer or a community builder for the Riverside church. My position as leader makes this issue even more critical.